The Fungus Among Us

1998 Jetta GT Mk III

2011-10-01T21:06:00.000-07:00

Exterior:

- De-badge

- Replace front right foglight

- Minor dents/scratches

- Smoke foglights

- Mesh Grille

Interior:

- Replace LEDs

- Replace glovebox handle

- Replace ashtray

- Replace center cup holder cover

- Replace collar around steering wheel

Performance/maintenance:

- SAI/Heatshield/duct

- Seafoam

- Oil Change

- Flush radiator

Shitsux

2010-11-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm going insane.
I'm too obtuse to have any semblance of a relationship; I was just laying in bed having a good brood when I realized I was alone, and that I didn't mind.

... /sigh I can't even accurately put anything I want in to words.

Oh yea, I started writing my novella again. What's this, the what... fifth iteration.
Fuck life.

On Life changing events and other nonesense

2010-10-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

I've had my life changed too many times to count.
And I hate that.
These were things that made me question who I am, who I was, who I want to be, where I'm headed, and how I'm going to do it.
And I can't remember most of them.
I do know that a lot of books have helped me become who I am, with the most recent and as of yet, largest change in my life being caused by Frank Herberts Dune, and Heinleins Stranger in a Strange Land.

I'm sure that hundreds of thousands of people could say the same. But you know what? This isn't their blog, it's mine. So Fuck off, for now it's about me.
I've always been an avid reader and very open minded about a lot of things. I won't say I'm open minded to everything because I think everyone has lines they acknowledge and refuse to cross.

I sat down to write this morning expecting to have an idea that would explain the headline, but life changing events aren't nonesense (Woah, talk about fucking mindblowing!)

I guess I can't be angry at anyone else since it was my choice to read these books...

anyways, yea...

I had my life changed last night. But this time, it was the scariest leap of faith I'd ever taken.
I told a girl that I loved her. I told her I was scared about that.
She told me she loved me, and that she was scared of it too.

I'm no longer scared to say it, it's past that point, and I have to accept that I said it.
I have to accept that someday these feelings might go away. That scares me.

Life the universe and everything, part 42

2010-10-21T11:22:00.000-07:00

I'm 21, I live in the 'North Bay' area of California. I haven't registered to vote, but I do believe it is important. I am a high school drop out, unemployed, and currently couch surfing.

I just started smoking cannabis around two or three months ago.
Four months a go I took my life savings, moved out of my parents place, and moved in with a friend in Sacramento. I had a limited amount of money to pay rent and necessities (I had enough to be 'safe' for eight months), and weed was the last thing on my mind.
The economic down turn has made it incredibly tough for some one with my history to get any sort of decent job (One that allows me to at least come off even, not some 12hr work shift after being picked up at Home Depot and only getting $40 for my time).
So after a month of not being able to find work, I decided to go back to my home town for a month, look for more work there. Hey if I can get salaried job, even if it is a two hour commute there and back, I'll take it. So I wrote my room mate a check for the next two months rent, in full (Not just my 'half' but TWO FULL MONTHS, including utilities.) and left.
The subsequent month and a half I ended spending living in my car, driving most of my day away going from town to town looking for any small business that still had WALK IN, PAPER APPLICATIONS, so that I could make a favorable first impression in person, rather than being a faceless name in a computer database. I witnessed my best friends getting married, I smoked my first bowl, and I made some awesome friends.

I came home with no job.

I came home to find out my room mate was kicking me out. While I was gone he'd gotten a new person to replace me. His justification was that I was 'never there' (True!) and that I always left a mess after cooking.
Now at this point let me point out that he did not know 'how' to cook, and he'd been living on fast food since I'd left. So I though I was justified if I left a pot, pan, or two out when I left. I cooked, and I payed my rent (And HIS for two months).
I packed my stuff up, and left. I lost my mattress on the freeway, thankfully not causing any accidents.

MIDWAY POINT:
TL;DR PART 1: I'm a slacker, lazy idiot, that got played.

At this point, I'd put 5k miles on my car. The car I had just bought a few months prior. The breaks needed to be replaced, same with the tires.
I'd spent my life savings on the deposit, the first/last months rent, and the subsequent two months that I was not there. Add in the cost for gasoline, and food while on the road (And other living expenses) and I was flat broke.

"We'll talk about the money"
That was two months a go, and I have not heard a word from him, and he's cut all ties to everyone of our mutual friends.

I started smoking on a regular basis shortly after that, and since then I have made more friends in the past few months than I ever did as a teenager, it has brought me closer to my family, and helped me understand all the things that I've done wrong in my life. It's also helped me deal with the crushing anxiety and hopelessness I've been dealing with since this happened (I've been puking from a nervous stomach practically everyday) and it is the only reason I've been able to eat lately.
About a month a go, I followed a link from reddit to okcupid and signed up. I wanted to add my information to the database. http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-real-stuff-white-people-like/

I didn't think anything would come of it, I wasn't interested in hooking up with some one I'd met online, I'd done that before and it hadn't worked out. But then something amazing happened, people started sending me messages.
So I said fuck it, I'm game.
I met the most amazing woman three weeks ago, and we've been dating since.
I am absolutely crazy about her.

TL;DR Part deux: I now have 10k+ miles on my car, completely broke, have an amazing girlfriend, and amazing new friends.

Cannabis is the only reason I haven't gone off the deep end. Where 'structured society' has failed, the 'miscreants' and 'delinquents' have succeeded.

I would not change anything that has happened to me this summer in the slightest.
The money is un important.
The betrayal of a friend in un important.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I can handle this.
For the first time in my life, I feel alright.

And this probably didn't make any sense. But I'm alright with that too.